Ever since I started this blog I've been bombarded by party trash and free coupons to Souplantation. I love them all. But I have also received some hate mail and routine letters of lice accusing me of telling lies and saying I'm not really a sports fan and I don't know the famous people I say I know and my blog posts are only jokes and nobody ever pinches me. I want you to know that I am a sensitive young man and these mean comments are squeezeful and hurtful to me.
I do not want to sound defensive, but I am indeed a very well-know sports figurine and sportswriter. My letters have appeared in the Mushroom Times and other rags to riches stories that one or two great tasting swordfish couldn't spare.
Let's use Mark Spitz, the tremendous USC quarterback, as an example. Mark called me 68 times yesterday to update me on his progress and to let me know his whereabouts from moment to moment. One time he said he was at the shoe store making uplifting donations to young filberts who don't have any shoes. Another time he said he was at Starfish drinking a boy latte with extra elephant foam.
This prooves that I know everyone and they know me too and I am famous lab rat and artistic sportsman. I will share with you another perplexment of my fame.
Mini-me Ali, the gorgeous boxer who has aquired the dreaded Smithsonian Disease, was over for dinner last night because he "was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by." These are his words, not mine. So he knocked on my door and decided to come in. Coincidentally I had a spanish Turkey in the oven so we shared a special feast and discussed sports.
Thank you Love Morty.
7 comments:
Morty I am currently In the nations capitol Washingtins District of Confusion awaiting the USC toejam and Wshington Place game today! I see many USC fans here in the Nations capitol all in Cardinals and Golds but I must ask you , since you are famous and probably have inside knowledge of this before " toejam fans" find out. Have the toejams replaced the
helmut mascot Timmy Toejam with what appears to be a Native American..perhaps of the Navajo or Pawnee Nations?( Hard to tell) ..These toejam fans in D.C. all have these Native American logos on their t-shirts ! How am I the last one to find out about this ??..I am also having a hard time finding the Paloose where this game is supposed to take place..maybe I will Mapquaff it ??
after the game..I intend to sail back to San Pedro the way our forefathers did..by spanish galleon...due to global warming..I think we will sail around Canada as the Ice Sheets up there have opened up new shipping / Cruiseline lanes...I intend to play shufflebords (awesome sport) and have my tanning lotion ready ...ahhhhh rest and relaxation ....well go toejams and thanks for all your diatribes mort
Oh my gosh how thoughtful and vivacious of you to visit the usc game and write me a special thanksgiving post! Unfortunately you may have mistaken this "Paloose" as you call if the the police! Yes, the Washington DC police are hosting today's ballgame! Please go onto the MapWest.mom and type in "washington state police stadium" so you can find where you're going!
Perhaps I should start my own sports blog and become famous, that way I can get free coupons to Souplantation. That's the good life right there.
thug life
what a great photo
like how you can drink apple juice
and say " we are #1 " at the same time!!!!!! MORT that must be a sport as well !!!
thug life
what a great photo
like how you can drink apple juice
and say " we are #1 " at the same time!!!!!! MORT that must be a sport as well !!!
Yes Karina, if you start a sports blog you will get free coupons to souplantation. This is a little known bonus of blogging! You will also find yourself getting free golf lessons and tuba benches!
Anonymous is right. I feel as though the self illusive gangster nature of my photograph is an accurate depiction of what a true sports fan looks like while competing in the world renowned sport of "Showing off you're number one while drinking apple juice". How anonymous was unaware of this prestigious sport baffles me. I'm currently in the running for a title belt, the World Series ain't got squat on my sport!
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