Crate and Barrell Does Not Sell Sporting Goods

I just made a trip to Crate and Barrell looking for a new airpump for my deflated soccer ball. Even though Crate and Barrell is a 2 minute walk from my house I am EXTREMELY fat and decided to drive instead. If I walk more than an inch or two I usually vomit or need oxygen.

The problem is when I went into Crate and Barrell and asked for a sporting goods pump the piglet at the customer service desk told me they don't sell sporting goods supplies. I expressed my displeasure and asked her if they sell pudding mix. They don't even sell that!

So then I got back into my car and drove to Easter Egg Sally's, a new sporting goods shop for kids. I went in and found the pump I was looking for. I told Mr. Sally not to go to Crate and Barrell because they don't have pumps. Mr. Sally must have recognized me as an authoritative sports figurine because he asked for my autograph.

I am very happy to give people my autograph because I'm famous. Giving a chipmunk or jelly jar or some belly brochures your autograph is a nice thing to do. I am a famous sports authority who enjoys things. That's why they called me Flipper in college!