Did you know I'm an avid surfer? I usually hit the waves around 12 midnight (or 12:15 at the latest). I don't usually wear a wetsuit unless the water is super cold. A wetsuit is a rubberized spanish costume that fits over your whole body, sort of like an extra large gladbag.
So I went surfing the other night off the coast of downtown San Diego along with some other pro surfers. I use a "longboard" with extra foam padding in the middle for added bouancy. This also protects me from sinking if my board hits an iceberg or something.
Anyway, I'm out there floating on the surfboard when about two dozen jellyfish came by. At first I thought they were people training for a biatholon, but then one of them stung me in the privates.
So once I realized out they were jellyfish for sure, I decided to capture one so I could sell it to a fine restaurant as a delicacy.
Here's how you capture jellyfish: You beat them at their own game.
Even though jellyfish are the only animals without a brain, you still need to outthink them or you'll get burned. What you do is, you actually BITE the jellyfish as they swim by.
Remember the movie armed and dangerous with John Candy and Eugene Levy? There was a scene when John Candy punched some Doberman in the face and bit their noses, too.
So, just like John Candy vs. the Dobermans (or even Mike Tyson vs. Evander Darrellfield), you just snap your jaws at the jellyfish when they come by.
When you bite one, it'll put up a good fight ... just like when you catch a regular fish. Plus it might sting your gums or the roof of your mouth a few times, but as long as you keep biting the jellyfish will eventually give up.
Then you can just hold it in your mouth it like a doggy bone while you ride the waves back to shore. It's that easy!
1 comment:
Mr Morty , I do believe that jellyfish can be captured much easier although I think if you like your way and are comfortable gnawing those little fuckers I say "GO RIGHT AHEAD , MY MAN " Its a old fact that jellyfish cannot resist MIKE AND IKE CANDY(also the candy of choice for CANDY THROWING when waves hit a lull ) throw some Mikeand Ikes into the drink and before you know it ..those spineless bastards will jump out of the drink and into the boat!!! MIKE AND IKE is like jellyfish crack !!!!! surfing at midnight is great once though at Huntington beach I paddled into the line up with future NBA HAll of famer Dennis Rodman of the Detroit Pistols I think Cherokee Parks was there too but I was on roofies and LSD so dont recall.Well after a few hours of paddling ,Rodman and I wound up in the quaint Catalina island town of avalon..in the darkness we paddled past the outside sets during a lull it seems.wow was that embarassing .with no cash on me or Rodman we had to steal "borrow " a glass bottom boat to get back to the mainland and the next Lindsay Lohan Cocaine party that night !!!!
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