Sports Picture of the Day

Who Am I?

I am Morty Ortman, the once-famous major league pitcher and now renowned sports writer. I am making my rounds across the internet, trying to get people to read my sports blog, which I believe you may find funny, amusing and down-right hamster-like. It's perfect for the lonely sports fan like you who's bored this time of year. Remember, you can call me Morty because I always respond to those who call me by name. I am also a VERY big fan of the orchestra and danced my life away on a gay cruise last month. Please follow me at twitter.com/mortyortman Thank you.

I DEMAND Peking Duck at Baseball Games!

If Panda Express is gonna be served at baseball games, why can't we have Peking Duck?

Fathead Stickers Aren't My Thing

You know those Fathead stickers? I don't like them. They make your room look too small. That's why I'll never buy one.

Hey World Series Guys, Please Return My Call!

I've been calling the Yankees and Phillies all day for some free World Series tickets. Left several messages but nobody's returning my calls. I'm surprised.

I'll Look for You on the Big Screen!

The more I watch college basketball, the more convinced I am that you have a future in Japanese movies.

You send me hate mail because I'm smarter than you?

I've been getting hate mail today. I mean, I don't know what else you'd call it. I assume I'm getting it because I'm smarter than you. There's no other explanation I can think of. Here's two samples:

Dear Morty,
F you. You're an idiot. I don't know if you're sports blog is a joke or not, but if it's serious, there's something wrong with you. You don't know sh-t about sports so stop pretending you do. Jerk off.
Signed,
Ben in Florida

Mortimer,
You sound like a bitch. Stick to dancing. You don't know ANYTHING about sports. GFY.
Signed,
Louis H in California

Listen up Louis and Ben. I don't understand your hatred for me. I am a sports authority and a well-known one, too. Your ridiculous carnival-type letters and carnations and pig flavored spout won't stop me. I will sick Selena Williams, the famous tennis player on you if you keep threatening me. You don't want that because she'll probably give you tennis elbow. Just keep reading my blog so you can learn more about sports you big seed. Thank you, Love Morty

Can the UCLA Bruins Win the Pac 10?

If we're talking about women's softball (one of my favorite sports), yes, the Bruins have a great chance of winning their conference outright. If we're talking about football, it's hard to say. The Bruins have already lost three games in conference; they've started the season 0-3. But they do have six games left. If they can win all six, and end up 6-3 in the Pac 10, then UCLA has an outside chance of not only winning the Pac 10 outright, but actually getting to the BCS Championship Game at the Rose Bowl this year. Most likely they'd play Miami. But we'll have to wait and see.

College Football Upset Picks of the Day

It's a HUGE day in college football. Most Saturday's are. But today's special because it's homecoming for many teams. Weber State at Northern Colorado is probably the biggest of all the games because it has the most BCS complications. Let's say Weber State pulls off the upset (unlikely, but bear with me).

With a victory, the ENTIRE BCS ranking get turned on upside down. All of a sudden Ohio State and Texas are back in the race! I wish I could predict the future, so I can't tell you who will come out on top in this guaranteed-to-be exciting football game. But I think Weber State has a chance...and if so, college football as we know it might never be the same!

And by the way, for all you fools who think Weber State is moving its college from Denver to Colorado Springs, I assure you there's absolutely NO TRUTH to that rumor. So quit thinking about it.

TRADE RUMOR! TRADE RUMOR!

As many of you know there's been lots of internet chatter about Wide Receiver Terrell Owens being traded for Micheal Irvin. Should this go through, Irvin would be back on the Cowboys where he started his NFL career after a star-studded collegiate experience at Florida State. If I were a betting man, I'd say this trade has a better than 50-50 chance of happening. I'll keep you posted, as they say in the sports world, when I know more.

Can the Angels Pull it Off?

As you know, the Angels and Yankees meet for Game 7 of the American League Championship Series tomorrow night in St. Louis. The Angels have stormed back from a 3-0 series deficit to tie the series at 3. It won't be easy to win on the Yankees' home field, otherwise known as "The House that Ruth Built." But let's say for a minute the Angels DO win. Won't you be surprised?

I know I will. The Yankees are NOT as good as everyone thinks. If they were, they'd have put this series away when they had the chance. There's no reason they shouldn't have already closed this series out, 4 games to none. But here they are now, on the brink of elimination at home.

Go Angels!

Let's Go on a Fieldtrip Together!

Would you care to join me at Dodger Stadium? Coors Field? Soldier Field in Miami? I would love to visit any of these world famous sports landmarks with you. I will rent a van from the "cream cheese of van rentals" -- Enterprise Rent a Car -- and together we'll drive to see all the sports games you can imagine!

How do you like this picture?

If you're like me, you have an affection for men in white suits. That's why I think this picture of Mike Petino and Michael Jordan is so hot. I also know exactly what they're talking about. Pitino's telling Jordan to dunk the ball on a fast break the next time he gets a chance.

In a World of Stupid Sports Authorities, You are Lucky to Have Me

Let's face it, there's lots of idiots out there. The think they know sports. But you and I know better. We know I am the KING of sports authorities and get all the inside info before anyone else. That's why you return to my blog over and over again.