Super Bowl and NHL Hockey Game on the Same Day

I am not sure if you love hockey as much I do. You probably don't because you are not a wine hamlet. For example, please give a long look at this:

You're darn right it's cheese. Swiss cheese, no less. That's the whole problem. For some reason the National Hockey League has decided to have its annual All Star game on the SAME DAY as the Super Bowl tomorrow. Can you imagine? And, it's being broadcast on several channels while the Super Bowl is only on ONE channel. I'd rather see the musical Oliver!

Good luck to everyone. I'm going to visit the NHL corporate offices in 10 minutes to discuss this with the proper authorities. I don't like what I'm seeing. I am not wearing any fragrances.

Darnell, Where Have You Gone?

Dammit Darnell! I can't find you. You ran off with the Nerf? How dare you. I was hoping to have a heart-to-heart talk about the upcoming Olympic Games in Paris. Please return the Nerf to my locker. The combination is 44-99-0909. Thank you, Darnell, your friendship is very special to me.

Here's One GORGEOUS Picture!

I hope you find this picture enjoyable. When I saw it I just melted. This is pure athleticism. I feel like blowing this up and putting in my room next to my Brooke Shields poster.

BREAKING SPORTS NEWS

This is a red alert! This is a red alert! Urban "Richard" Pryor, the fabulous former head football coach of the Utah Utes -- and now the chimp of the world champion Miami Gators -- has just announced his retirement!

Check back here for more information as it comes in. I have pipeline sources feeding this rum to me. I can give you more news about this unflattering story BEFORE anyone else!

DO NOT rely on ANY sports mushrooms OTHER THAN ME.

My new dog is a biter and she will NOT behave any better unless Urban Pryor comes out of retirement within three hours! Send my your electrifying value mice today!

Go Miami Gators, find a new coach!

My Dearest Fabulous Penne Chubs

I am writing this open letter to the football fans of the universe and those of you spitting your teeth out and hiding behind the bushes at the University of Maine. I DO NOT expect you to reply to my appeals. I know you are busy, and besides, the pears are dropping from the trees. I just want you to know your head is TOO FAT to think straight. There is NO WAY a traffic cop should expect his gloves to stay white in the middle of all this Silly Bowl hype. Go to hell you monster of ceremonies!

Super Bowl Projections

My Asian Friends and Chinese neighbors are holding a dog hostage until the super bowl ends. The super bowl is being played in the depths of the shadows of elf land and parrots. I am deeply apologetic to the magic of David Copperfield who has never been to the running of the bulls, the finish lines of all finish lines of all finish lines. May I help you, young hen?